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Lyrics

do you know what i hate?
people who use the word "literally" wrong
like my junior year history teacher
he always said stupid stuff like
"the world was literally turned upside down"
and i wanted to stand up in class and scream
"how the hell did that happen?"
you'd need a big fucking crane to turn the world literally upside down
or he'd say their heads literally exploded in rage
wow... i wanna see that someday at the mall
 
do people just not understand how this word is meant? "literally!"
it means they "literally" did it, as in it actually happened
real!
not figurative..
i think he meant "figuratively"...
anyway, i want to stand up and "literally" shake his little head off!!
 
kind like... a squishy banana
squishy bananas really suck...
i always got excited when my mom would make me a lunch
and i'd discover...
the bananas were squishy!
i didn't wanna eat that. gross!
my whole lunch would be ruined,
especially if it squished all over my sandwhich
that's nasty.
that literally grossed me out.
 
and sometimes...
when i'd take those squishy bananas home to throw them in the trash,
i'd discover the cat had knocked over the trash
and spread shit everywhere
then the dogs usually got into the panty liners
and like, chewed them up
and threw them all over the clean laundry...
 
and i had to spank my cat,
because he's a bad bad kitty...
bad kitty, BAD!
you are "literally" a bad, BAD kitty!
that's what i'd say...
because i know how to use the word "literally" correctly
 
[courtesy applause]

Notes

This song was featured on the Selector 4Q compilation album.

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